Have you spent a lot of your life trying to please others and always saying yes to people because you fear you might disappoint someone? I’m not sure if it’s come with age or just tiring of the relentless efforts I have gone through to do so that’s basically made me choose to say no more often.
For years, I have put my own feelings aside, worked really hard for other people with little or no return and always tried my best to put people feel at ease. I have often wondered if I had some sort of mark on my head that read MUG on it due to the number of people that took advantage one way or another.
It’s hard work, exhausting and above all… soul destroying. I don’t wish to try and understand people that feel they can treat others in this way – it’s a waste of time, instead; I have learnt to identify those kinds of people and I have learnt to say NO.
STOP Pleasing Others and Learn to Say NO in Your Work and Personal Life
It doesn’t come easy sussing out these snakes – after all, they are snakes. They are devious and have one agenda – themselves.
So instead I decided to keep people are arm’s length, keep my life more private, learnt to trust others in a more productive and lengthy way which helped me work out who I should put my efforts and energies in to.
I made a concerted effort to observe how others treated me. Did they appreciate my efforts? Did they notice my efforts? Did the engage in my efforts? Did they only contact me because they wanted something? You would be surprised at how many people felt that all efforts I gave felt like they had already earnt it because their egos told them so.
The thing is, people’s egos are far greater than you and I would ever imagine – it’s hard for the givers in life to understand that because in general, we don’t think like those kinds of people. We express gratitude daily, we look for the best in every situation, hope for positive outcomes and always want to make others happy.
It takes time and practice, to change habits of a lifetime but the best way to approach it is by starting now – start by figuring out if a situation or a person is bringing you down, becoming toxic or just makes you feel uneasy.
You will probably find the person or situation on the receiving end will appear shocked – don’t let this make you do a U-turn, don’t allow their reaction to change your actions. Stick to your guns and stand your ground. By allowing negativity flow out, it makes way for positivity to come in. It’ll be like ripping off a plaster – it will hurt initially but eventually, over time the wound will heal.
Just by acknowledging that you deserve better you are already way over half way to changing your attitude towards your life for the better. So many of us undervalue what we offer and there are people out there that will take full advantage of that. But we shouldn’t change the way we are, we just need to invest our time and efforts into people that appreciate it. Partnerships, relationships, collaborations, friendships should be a two-way street. When one side continually takes, it will wear the giver down so much so they resent the other person which weakens the relationship and causes it to break down.
With the breakdown of those toxic relationships, it makes way for genuine and stronger ones because you have learnt what to expect and more importantly, what you deserve.
Light and love
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