It’s highly likely that if you are reading this post right now then you have been burnt in the past and are finding it difficult to trust again because of that burn or burns. I mean who hasn’t right?
Firstly I would like to point out that I think that having trust issues to a degree is actually important. It’s our defence mechanism in play. If we suspect someone is untrustworthy, then it’s pretty likely they are. Some people do slip through the net and it also depends on what’s going on in our own lives at that time.
If we are in a vulnerable place then trusting others can go either way. We may not be on guard and let people into our lives that shouldn’t be there and on the flip side we may be so untrustworthy of others we don’t let anyone in at all and risk the chance of building on that relationship.
It also depends on our own values. If you are a genuine trustworthy and loyal kind of person, you may find it hard to see that someone else could want to be nasty and untrustworthy. Catch my drift?
Some of the main reasons I have been (for want of a better word) shat on, is because I see the good in almost everyone. Ever heard of the phrase, wolf in sheeps clothing? Well, it’s true. Some people may appear to be your friend, want to be trusted but in fact they have selfish and ulterior motives.
How to Trust Others When You Have Been Burnt
One of my best tips to discover and rat out these people is by giving a little trust on a level you can handle, to see how they abuse or don’t abuse that trust. Give a little to see if they take a mile from your inch.
Sadly, life can end up feeling like a game when you are trying to work out who you can trust and even with those you think you can trust still be weary.
My other pearl of wisdom is, really only divulge things you know you can handle people knowing if it ever got out. I personally don’t have any mega “skeletons in the closet” but there is still personal things I don’t want everyone knowing.
My dad once said to me:
“Never believe what you hear and only half believe what you see.”
Just let that sink in for a moment…
Pretty accurate right? When you think that it’s all about interpretation but it is a cynical approach and one to be taken with a pinch of salt otherwise you would do your own head in. Another favourite of mine is…
“Never expect anything of anyone, then you won’t be disappointed.”
Again, very true but if you can gage the situation well enough then you can put your trust in others.
- So take things slowly, get to know the person and their values over a course of time.
- Trust your gut, we are equipped with a thing called intuition for a reason – we just need to learn to tune into it.
- Give new people a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt. Our subconscious will match certain traits with others that appear to be similar but that’s not always the case.
Recovering from this kind of behaviour can be tough and as humans we tend to go insular and very wary which can make us look like the ones that are being insincere.
I’m also a firm believer that the more we love ourselves, the more we attract the right people into our lives.
I know it’s not easy to love yourself. It doesn’t happen over night but it is totally possible especially by practicing self-care, gratitude and mindfulness. When you begin the process of starting to respect and love yourself, your life automatically starts changing for the better. You no longer attract negative people and if you do, they don’t make it past the “do not pass barriers”.