Don’t read this post expecting to be given positive advice about single parent dating because if I am brutally honest (which I always am), I haven’t got a clue myself. So I would, therefore, appreciate it if anyone could shed some light on their journey.
It will be 3 years ago to the day on the 8th March that I became single. Not just single, but a single mummy to twins. It has been a tough time and I have battled through some heavy stuff this past 3 years and thankfully out the other side and things are looking much brighter. I still have a lot of work to do before I am completely happy and I am aware of that and with the best made plans – I know my ready moment isn’t too far away/ (at least I think). My main focuses have been on my girls, my home, work and my health. If you have been following my journey you will know that I have been doing just that.
But the question of dating is coming up in my life at the moment and as a single parent, I am questioning if I am ready to start dating. Part of me feels that am and another part of me doesn’t. It’s only natural I suppose, but 6 months ago I knew I was nowhere near ready.
I spent 3 years being single from 27 until 30 and I loved that period of my life despite it being tough and full of heartbreak. When you are a single woman with no children it’s a totally different beast. You can go out whenever you want, sleep whenever you want, date whoever you want. But as a mother, it’s very different and so is my motivation and values. I have been single for 3 years (again) and I really want to make sure the next person I meet is a long-term relationship which will lead towards marriage and potentially another child. Sounds like I have it all planned out right?
The thing is, you never know what is going to happen. I didn’t plan to be a single mother but it happened and you just have to deal with it. But I have found myself at a crossroad because not only am I looking for a serious relationship, that person needs to be vegan or at least vegan-curious. It feels like I have to start thinking about love in a strategic kind of way now, as from experience – love isn’t always enough.
The other trouble I have is that I am hopeless at meeting men. When I say hopeless, I mean I can’t even do basic flirting and being out of practice means I am even worse than I used to be – double hopeless!
My children will always come first and I suppose meeting someone who already had children would be ideal as they will understand what it’s like when tantrums occur or we have to leave somewhere because the children are tired – just a good understanding of how children are in general. I can’t be doing with someone that just doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to understand it.
But 5 years on from my last date and any physical contact with a man (yes, it’s been a very very long time – cringe-worthy admitting this on my blog – but I always keep it real), twins and general life being no stop; I’ve questioned how the hell am I ever going to meet someone? I’ve also questioned if I need to take into consideration the fact I’m passionate about veganism, animal welfare, human rights, business, working for myself, home life, family life etc – finding a likeminded person who I am attracted to is going to be a challenge isn’t it?
I know we all have individual needs and ideas for our futures but you can’t help who you fall in love with, can you? It’s not some kind of strategy you can plan out.
So many things need to be considered. He would also have to be single and ready to move on. Ideally, someone that doesn’t drink alcohol or if he does, then it’s a very limited amount and be a non-smoker! They aren’t demands as such but I have standards – is that so wrong?
Everything including the kitchen sink (literally) needs to be taken into account.
I’d have to consider distance as well.
I’d have to consider that they might have children and that they would need to be near their children.
So it’s clear when you are single with children, there is a hell of a lot to consider and it’s short of easy as just “falling in love.”
There’s also the prospect of selling a home, potentially moving areas and schools and new friendships. It can all seem like such a ball ache if I am honest. But I guess when the right person comes along, then it’ll be more of an adventure?
Are you a single parent? How have you coped with dating? I know each circumstance differs and I guess you just have to trust your gut but I’d love to hear from you – so feel free to DM, comment or email.